Caring for an Aging Parent From Another State

The National Institute on Aging describes a long-distance caregiver as anyone who lives an hour or more away from the person who needs care. That covers a lot of adult children, and it comes with a particular kind of stress: knowing something's wrong but not being able to see it for yourself.

What you can do from far away

• Manage bills, insurance claims, and paperwork
• Order medical equipment, medications, and supplies
• Research and arrange in-home help, such as a home health aide
• Research long-term care options like assisted living
• Give the local caregiver regular breaks by planning visits around their needs
• Be the family's organizer: the person who keeps the information straight

If a sibling lives nearby and does the hands-on work, taking these jobs off their plate is real help, not a lesser contribution.

Get the permissions in place

Distance makes permissions matter more, because you often can't be in the room.

1. Doctors. Under HIPAA, a doctor may share information with family involved in care if your parent agrees or doesn't object. Ask your parent to tell each doctor's office you're involved, and to sign the practice's authorization form if it has one.
2. Medicare. Your parent can submit form CMS-10106 so 1-800-MEDICARE can share information with you. It can be done online through their Medicare.gov account. Each fall, our Medicare Open Enrollment guide walks through reviewing their plan.
3. Banks and other companies. Each usually has its own authorization process. Ask what they require.
4. Legal authority. A durable power of attorney and a health care power of attorney let someone act when your parent can't. See the guide to important documents for details.

Build a local safety net

Someone nearby needs to be able to check in or respond quickly. That might be a neighbor, a friend from church, a local sibling, or a paid aide. Make sure they have your number and your parent's key information, and that you have theirs.

To find local services such as meal delivery, transportation, adult day programs, and caregiver support, use the Eldercare Locator, a free federal service (1-800-677-1116, weekdays 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. Eastern). It connects you with the Area Agency on Aging that serves your parent's area, and offers online chat during business hours.

Make visits count

Visits are your chance to see what phone calls miss. Check the fridge, the mail pile, and the medicine cabinet. Look for new bruises, unpaid bills, or changes in the house. If you can, schedule a doctor's appointment during the visit so you can meet the doctor in person.

Taking time off work

The Family and Medical Leave Act lets eligible employees take up to 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a 12-month period to care for a parent with a serious health condition. To qualify, you generally need to have worked for your employer for 12 months and at least 1,250 hours in the past year, at a location with 50 or more employees within 75 miles. Care for parents-in-law isn't covered. Some states also offer paid family leave; check your state's rules.

Plan for the 2 a.m. phone call

Decide in advance who gets called first, who is closest, and what information an ER will need. That's where shared, current information pays off. MyParentHQ lets you invite siblings as Trusted Members with full access, give a local aide Caregiver access to the care modules only, and give a neighbor Viewer access to just the Emergency Packet, so the person who gets there first has what they need.

This guide is general information, not legal or employment advice.